I knew I was getting into dangerous territory when I put on my heels and red lipstick and went to audition for Bare Breasted Women Sword Fighting. I knew I was running the risk of fooling Lorraine and Wyckham (our illustrious director and producer) into thinking I might own a pair of figurative sexy pants. The ruse worked, and I was cast.
One would think that the most difficult part of playing an over-the-top, WWE-style character would be learning the sweet wrestling moves. Turns out, those are a piece of cake when compared to the over-the-top sexiness of the Warrior Princess. I'll be honest with you: Thanks to my awesome, shame-based religious upbringing, I can't seduce my way out of a paper bag. Or even pretend to. Probably not a great spot to be in as an actor, and definitely not a good spot to be in as a grown-ass woman. In my second rehearsal, Lorraine (our illustrious director) asked me to think of a time that I feel sexy. I could come up with nothing. I don't know about y'all, but my Sunday school started teaching me about the sin of vanity when I was 6, and that stopped the internal monologue from ever going down the road of "I feel pretty/sexy/like I'm having a good hair day." Even though I have since renounced my virtuous ways, it is a continuous effort to undo 25 years of Mega-church (which included going to the religious school from 3rd-12th grade, plus going to church on my own about three times a week.)
After five weeks, it's gotten easier, but my lovely friends at Dog & Pony DC are up against thousands of years of religious rhetoric in their effort to get me to feel okay about people looking at me, and perhaps liking what they see. We've got a six-hour-long rehearsal today; hopefully that will help. I do not currently own a pair of sexy pants, but Dog & Pony is letting me borrow theirs until I can get to Target.
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