The decision to bare breasts

From Rachel:

When Lorraine first proposed doing a vaudeville show centered around women sword fighting topless, my first reaction was "yeah!" My second reaction was "and I'll be one of them!" And so for almost a year now I have been gearing up for my unveiling.

My husband took the announcement in stride.  As did my parents.  My tattooed and pierced younger sister was slightly scandalized, but accepting.

It was a novelty to share at first.  Fun to mention at parties or over drinks.  Responded to with slightly awed confusion by females friends, and masked anticipation by male friends. 

Then it came out in a public conversation with co-workers that included my boss.  Suddenly it became clear that it was more ... challenging... to tell some people. It was not about gender, age, station, or relationship per say. The words would just suddenly stick in my throat and I would have to almost rest by swallowing them back down so they could pop up and out quicker: "OursummershowisBareBreastedWomenSwordFrightingavaudevilleandIamgoingtobeswordfightingtopless." 

Despite my confident airs, over the winter I began to get fucking freaked out about the idea of upwards of 1,000 people who I either knew well, in passing, or would see again knowing what I looked like without my shirt and bra on.  I started telling Lorraine  that I needed to practice fighting without my shirt on with just the two of us. Even our first night together tooling around with choreography I made a HUGE deal about working through a sequence once without a shirt on.  And I was so embarrassed.  Me--the woman who walks around the gym locker room nude smirking inside at other women who try to cover themselves with 3 or 4 washcloth-sized towels.

Then two weeks ago after a promo photo shoot, I was flipping through images of me in just a skirt, thrusting and parrying with a rapier in the stage light and I realized: What the heck is my problem?  I rock!  I am collaborating with my close friend and conspirator to realize a vision for a show she has been dreaming about for years.  I am making this show with an ensemble of talented, witty, beautiful female theatre artists.   I am taking off my shirt and wielding a sword to show off my breasts and my fierceness.   I am an amazing, confident, strong woman.   And a we enter rehearsal I know that this is one of the more empowering decisions of my adult life thus far.

Stop the whining.  Start the stripping.

Bring it.